First blog post

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things i can do

– play two instruments

– i’m pretty rad at sight reading both on strings and in choir

– write a >300 pages thesis

– speak 2 languages

– lots of calculus. just so much of it until you’re dead from math

– build literal bombs 

– code in four different programming languages 

things i can not do

– feed myself on a regular basis

– remember to drink the iced coffee i put in the fridge, and instead cry in the bathroom at work

– put gas in the car without having a meltdown

– maintain a normal sleep schedule when alone

– take a shower after dark alone

– look people in the eye like ever

– literally anything related to being an adult, i feel like i can barely function. 

Today has been a fighting with compilers (specifically, cray’s g-d wrap fortran wrappers like can you fucking not) and crying in the bathroom at work kind of day. i ate yogurt for dinner. I’m too tired and sad to be hungry. I’ve gotten six hours of sleep every night since Mr. Apis left and I normally get 9-10 hours of sleep when he’s here. Everything is terrible and I don’t know how to live alone. I’m clearly not an adult.